i met her in highschool during my senior year, she wasnt a pretty looking or attractive type that i usually go for with her forehead wide open thick eyebrows, oily face and always wear a blue sweat jacket everyday. a friend told me that she like me, i wasnt impressed, but what really got to me was her personality how cheerful she is to everyone around her and very fun to talk to. we would see ea other 3 times a week during lunch talk here and there til i found out i had to move to another city on my 2nd sem of my senior yr. i choose to end what we had before we even started. 3 months later she start calling me over the phone, the feeling grew inside me but there was no way i could be with her living so far away. again i chose to lie and said im seeing someone else she ignore me completely. a yr later i finish hs, she msg me thru aim we start talking then eventually we start dating i explain everything to her why i did all those thing to her, and why i hurt her. she forgave me. and we had our first kiss in parking lot at glendale mann theater. Feb 17th 2006. first 2 month was a smooth ride very happy, 3rd month we broke up because i tho she was too immature and also i like pretty girl she has the potential to be really pretty but she was too stubborn to listen. getting her to pluck her eyebrows was almost a break up. 1 week later we had a party at my friends place i was thinking of getting with someone else, she wouldnt let me lol, she would always show up and interrupt me and other girls. eventually i gave in and gave her another chance... we made a promise never to say breakup unless u really mean it.


4 yrs has passed she turn into a really beautiful woman (i trained her of course) she thanks me for what i did for her and she felt better about herself. during that 4yrs we did not break up once, we would fight and made up the next day. thing start falling apart when she going on her 4th yr in college, more stressed, hw, study and less time with me. i work full time with 2 days off but our day off doesnt match so we only see ea other half a day after school once a week. i became less romantic and lazy, with feeling slowly fading away thinking i needed more time with her but she always tried her best to make the effort to come see me after school. she explained that it cant be helped since this is her school schedule and she want to finish on time, so i find a replacement to fullfill that void which is online gaming. eventually things got real bad and she broke up with me for the exact same reason "she need more attention" and i was obsessed with online game. we got together and break off almost every month after this incident she forgotten the promised we made "never say break up unless u mean it" her attitude toward me became more aggressive saying stuff that would hurt my feeling. comparing me to her if she can do something for me y  couldnt i do it for her. im a guy who's born with nothing, i have to earn it. i would wearing the same t-shirt i had since mid-school thru out hs because i have no money to buy a new one. then got kicked out of my step dads house couple yr after, i didnt get to go to college because i couldnt afford it and living paycheck to paycheck. THATS my life. i never tho i could love someone til i met her i found love thru her she gave me a heart. one night i told her we should break up and tell her to find someone else because i wont b able to give her a bright future and she deserve better. despise all that she decide to stay with me. she would always be there for me when i needed her. weather its money or errands she always there never complains.

march 3rd 2009 she broke my heart completely for the same reason not enough attentions. this time it was real. i tried to get her back i cried and begged but she was over me... i went into shock, couldnt eat or sleep for 48 hrs. she came back to me the next day to start over but something inside me change. all the feeling i had of her disappear. i was no longer in love with her. she work real hard for the past 2yrs roughly trying to get me to love her again and i took her for granted, played hard to get, loving that being chase feeling, and the feeling of being single. when my car was stolen she would always be there for me to help me go to work even tho it was 120miles a day, never asked for gas money. i became less thankful for what she did, and more ignorant because she would always come back to me. after fanime i became too obsessed with cosplay and fb. i said something that i regret for the rest of my life "if u dont like the way i am, so be it, dont be with me" to 2 people. 1 was her and 1 was my bestfriend. both stop talking to me, a week passed i had realize that what monster i have become of how i treated her and my bestfriend and all those fame r meaningless because at the end of the days fb friends r not there for u. i FUCKED UP. june 16th i went to her house during work hours tried to get her back i told her i would change, i cried and begged again but it was too late, she had move on, and already seeing someone else. i was kicked out of her house. when i got back in the car i called my bestfriend she picked up i started crying because she still care even tho i hurt her feeling i pass out after a conversation with her. when i woke up the feeling disappear again but not completely this time. i was able to save our friendship with both. my feeling still hurts and sometime i do breakdown but it is part of recovering/growing up. im hoping to be a better man. she will always be my first love, she taught me love and her last lesson maybe brutal but thats what life is.


i wrote this so i would remember what i did. and become my precious memory.
my advice for those in relationship, when u found love, never let it go.  and dont be "me" lol
thanks for reading.